Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize