Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm passing your future prison.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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