I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
