Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
