I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
