My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
