i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
