Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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