I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
