i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
