i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize