I am puke
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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