Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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