oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
