Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize