i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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