My first STD was from a foam party
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
