There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
