I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
