So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
