How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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