I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
