I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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