i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
