White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
