I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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