i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
