Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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