...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize