either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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