I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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