hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
