i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
