ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
