apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
