Me too!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
