Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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