K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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