I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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