I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
