nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
