More tranny stories later!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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