you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
