the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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