Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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