I heard we made out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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