yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
