Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize