So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
