seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love having hate sex.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
