All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
