Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
