Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
