its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
