We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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