Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
