Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
