u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
