I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize