you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
