I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
