A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
