hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
