so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
