If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
