my phone needs a breathalizer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
