i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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